you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
