last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
