Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
