How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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