I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
