My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
