This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
