I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
