sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
