bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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