Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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