I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
