i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
