'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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