I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my phone needs a breathalizer
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
