I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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