drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
