i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
