The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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