u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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