So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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