i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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