I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
