sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude. I can hear the air.
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