I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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