Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
