She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
