she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
