dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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