where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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