oh god the rape fog is back!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
