she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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