I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
