All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
