We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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