you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
