someone get that fucking seahorse.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she told me i tasted like america
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
