apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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