Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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