we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
