An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
