listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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