Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
