All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
