omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
