Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
