Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
