Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
