I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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