Who did Billy Mays play for?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
