That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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