Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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